When I asked him what kind of advice he would give to western guys, he said ‘Don’t find them in a bar.’ James remembers meeting a Japanese girl in an Irish pub in Tokyo. He still liked her, so he decided to give it another try. (He says that rock musicians tend to not pay attention to clothes.) She and Charles hit it off well, and they exchanged contact details. In fact, she didn’t have any interest in western culture. He got tickets for a concert of UA, her favourite Japanese artist, and asked her to come. They have now been together for one and a half years.
Andre’s case was misfortunate because he had a particularly direct communication style and his ex-girlfriend had a particularly indirect communication style. When Charles, a British guy, met her, he immediately liked her. A few days later, Charles sent her a message: ‘Hey, let’s go out again sometime.’ To this, she politely replied, ‘No thanks.’ Her lack of interest wasn’t the only problem. Some of these restaurants are managed by Japanese-Indian couples.
James is a British man who is said to have slept with more than 100 Japanese women. She was a rock musician but she dressed very nicely. Charles didn’t speak much Japanese, and she didn’t speak any English at all. (I know this because the Japanese wives tend to be very friendly and often talk to me.) Danuja, a Sri Lankan man who has lived in Japan for 11 years, had two long-term relationships with Japanese girls prior to his current Japanese girlfriend. They became friends first and it took six months for them to start dating.
They walked around the lake to enjoy the beautiful scenery. In the course of a conversation where she accused him of doing all the wrong things, she brought up the incident, saying that she had actually wanted to stay, and blamed him for not taking her hint. When he was dating her the second time, she was cheating on her husband. He was always looking for a serious relationship, but the girls from those bars didn’t want the same thing.
They wanted to explore the area more, but in order to do that they had to take the ropeway. They joined the queue, even though they were a bit put off by its length. Looking back, that was just one of their numerous miscommunications. The ‘bars’ they talk about are western-style bars which are relatively rare in Japan.
Recently, I interviewed a lot of people for my book who had dated or married Japanese women. ‘All right, let’s leave,’ Andre said, and they left.
Let me share with you some of the interesting stuff they told me about Japanese women! Andre, a Jamaican man, went on a trip with his Japanese girlfriend. This exchange seemed innocent enough to Andre, until a few months later when their relationship got tense. Andre, the aforementioned Jamaican guy, also realised that he tended to have bad experiences with girls he met in bars. But if you want to leave, let’s leave,’ his girlfriend said.Often, she would say something she didn’t mean, and Andre took her literally. Some of the women who frequent them are looking specifically for western men and not all of them are looking for a long-term (or honest) relationship.When he tells university girls that he is from Kenya, many of them just remark, ‘Is that in Africa? When they learn that Joshua isn’t from the states, they quickly lose interest.In Japan, people tend to rely on non-verbal cues more than the literal meaning of messages. There’s nothing wrong with short-term dating and hook-ups.These non-verbal cues are not obvious to everybody. The problems here are the differences in expectation and the dishonesty. Do Japanese women date Indian and other South Asian guys? The easiest way to confirm this is to visit Indian restaurants in Japan.