Den har en helt ny dubbel 12 MP-kamera med vidvinkel- och teleobjektiv, ett A10 Fusion-chip, en ny Retina HD-skärm med stort färgomfång, stereohögtalare och i OS 10.
As a part-time touring musician, I spend a lot of time away from the missus.
As any other long-distance couple will tell you, Skype and Face Time have been an absolute revolution in remote intimacy.
Of course, there's a lot more going on in the average boudoir romp than just poking and squeezing – otherwise I'd have a reputation as a decent lover.
And there's no getting around it – men are easier to please than women, so while the ZEUS looks like it'll be absolutely fantastic for the lads, the HERA takes a pretty rudimentary and rudely mechanical approach that probably won't do an awful lot to get the lasses across the line. And you just know this kind of system is going to be abused by lonely single gents that want to hook themselves up to both ends of the device and do what the girls have been telling them to do for years.
For her, it's the HERA, a similarly cylindrical toy with a multi-speed, piston-driven power wang. The ZEUS is able to read the speed of the gentleman's amorous thrusting, and transmit each poke to the HERA's piston motor.
And when the lass on the receiving end clenches up her lady muscles, the HERA is able to sense the pressure and transmit it back to the ZEUS, which tightens its grip on the gentleman accordingly.
We've covered a lot of long-distance lovemaking tools before here on Gizmag – from the tragically innocent Haptihug Telecuddle interface, to the slightly more sleeves-up Kissphone, to the remotely-controlled VIVI vibrator setup at the business end.
But none have been quite as "meat and potatoes" as the remarkable Love Palz his-n-herz telehumping setup, which interface with a pair of i Phones to allow simultaneous face-to-face and pole-to-hole communication (to coin a phrase) over any distance.
Put it this way – if there is indeed some shady government agency out there recording all our web traffic, those guys have seen far more of my glistening undercarriage than they ever signed up for. "It'll be just like James Bond, they said." Sorry, lads.
There's never been any doubt in my mind – somebody was going to come along and work out a way to transmit the ins and outs of human intercourse in real time – and the Love Palz system, as crude as it is, looks like it's got a nose ahead of the industry.
Still, I think this kind of thing is a significant step forward, right at the cutting edge of teledildonics – an industry that should probably avoid cutting edges altogether.