"A handful of conversations make the biggest difference in the strength and duration of a relationship," says Grenny."Talking about sexual intimacy tops that small list." Read on for eight issues to broach and how to approach them so you can move on to more interesting things.1. Unless you want to end up in a "50 Shades of OMG what are you doing? "While it's possible to have a good experience trying something new with no communication, it's also possible to have a someone pulls out handcuffs.
Also, choose a safe word, one unrelated to sex either of you can say to halt what's happening. It can be easy to move into patterns in a sexual relationship, "especially if a couple starts out with little sex information or strong opinions about what 'normal' sex is, leading them to reject many erotic options," says Dr. If your sexual playbook becomes staid, she suggests talking to a sex therapist or coach—or doing some reading. Failure to launch and premature party ending are touchy subjects.
To start the limits conversation, exchange one idea each about something you'd like to experience. Best case: There are two new options on your sexual menu," says Dr. "Some books, like , are made to be browsed together, giving you spicy ideas and info to boot," says Dr. "Most guys don't want to talk about it while in bed," says Joel D.
It goes without saying that you'd like to enjoy making love to your partner; yet, nearly every other aspect of sex calls for a chat.
Here's why: Couples who discuss tricky topics effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who ignore difficult subjects, according to a study by Joseph Grenny, co-author of .
He responded that men wanted to know the bra trick and probably how to get her interested and how to make it good for her—they wanted someone with a manual to share the important secrets. She’s wondering about which single woman she can invite to the growing table that might make a match for her single brother.
"Americans have intercourse an average of a bit more than once a week," says Dr. If one of you is a morning sex person and the other an evening sex person, "calendar a compromise: a weekend afternoon delight or an after-work assignation," says Dr. I asked my husband what men would like to hear about. Chances are your wife has already started to plan that delicious menu. But she’s also thinking about her guest list — how to keep Aunt Suzie from dominating poor nephew Allen."This says I love you and want to be intimate, but not tonight." Be sure to follow through on the follow-up appointment.7. Discuss what turns you on—and what doesn't—as unnatural as it may feel. Queen, who suggests starting with, "There are things I think about, sexually, that I never mention." From there, a general "Can we talk about this more? During the act, "maneuver into position and make sounds of pleasure to encourage your partner toward a certain behavior," says Dr. "Men appreciate these nonverbal prompts." They also respond well to comments that are about you, rather than about him.So instead of "do this," try, "When you do this, it's hot for me."8. This may sound utterly unromantic, but couples should talk about how to fit sex into their busy schedules. Block suggests deciding how much is mutually acceptable, and whether that includes quiet sex while visiting relatives and unexpected quickies."You could say, 'If I'm feeling pressured it works against me, but know that I'm OK. If not, drop the issue knowing you've at least mentioned it in a sensitive, supportive manner.4. "It doesn't matter how many sex partners each of you has had," points out Dr. "HPV and other bugs hitch a ride on human genitals, just as the common cold goes for your nose and throat." It's best to talk about this matter-of-factly before you have sex for the first time. "Many women prefer to assume exclusivity because they're afraid the guy won't agree to it." In that case, you should know and make an informed decision about whether to have sex. "You should both feel comfortable, perhaps in one of your homes or in a dimly lit lounge," says Puhn. It's better to talk about not wanting sex, but how do you say "no" without it sounding like "never"?Try: "This is what I do for birth control" and "These are my standards for safe sex." "It's your body, and some conditions are forever—including unplanned offspring," adds Dr. "Just don't talk about it when either of you has had more than one drink."6. "Touch your mate, smile and suggest another time," says Puhn.